Oh, don’t mind me. I’ve just been a little cranky, a tad blue. I think it started in the madness of March, with the tenth anniversary of the War in Iraq. It is not just the costs in blood and treasure of the off-the-books war. It is that George W. Bush is not in jail. He might not be able to visit Europe, but he’s still not in Gitmo, which remains open, by the way. On the day of the splashy opening ceremonies for the Bush Liebrary, I hid the sharp kitchen knives.
My dear galpal astutely suggested that the cause of my mood might be pope-partum depression. When Pope Benedict gave God two weeks notice, it was quite a rush. He bid his last infallible adieus, flew to Castel Gandolfo, and stepped out of his papal robes into his papal snuggie.
Then there was the rush of Red Party Conclave in the Sistine, the white smoke, and finally Pope Francis I, Miss Congeniality last time, Pope this time. So now that Ex-Benedict is being served in the newly refurbished mother-in-law cottage behind the Vatican, sure maybe I’m having a bit of a letdown.
But I’ve also been cranky as I await the Supreme Court’s decisions about the constitutionality of Prop 8 and the overturning of DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act. I’m in lesbian limbo. How low can I go?
During the oral arguments I had my in-house lawyer interpret the Court free-for-all, which sounded like an out-of-control seventh grade class I once taught. While many of the fine points were lost on me, it did seem e that Chief Justice John Roberts was doing an imitation of the warden in Cool Hand Luke. He leaned in and asked the pro-gay-marriage advocates, “You got lots of powerful friends now, don’t you? You don’t really need us, do you?” It sounded like we were getting too big for our gay designer britches.
And it is true that for a few weeks there you could not swing a King James Bible without hitting someone else coming out for marriage equality. Many who finally spoke up credited their change of heart to knowing an actual gay person. Republican Senator Rob Portman of Ohio said that in the two years since his son came out to him, the notion of gay marriage had grown on him. Not to seem ungrateful, but why does that sound like a colony of E.coli on a hot day? Thank you, Senator Porkloin.
Their earnest declarations bespeak a sad failure of imagination. They sound like doubting Thomases. Unless they can see actual LGBT people up close, they cannot believe they deserve equality. Perhaps we just needed gay petting zoos set up outside the Court. There are several successful ones already in operation in DuPont Circle.
Kate “Brittney Griner makes me happy” Clinton is a humorist.